Countless times, women are advised to dress less provocatively, consume less alcohol, and not put themselves in dangerous circumstances. This propagates the assumption that when they are targeted, women are at fault and thus highlights a lack of accountability for men.
But it's not a woman's responsibility to stay safe, it's her right.
The instinct to blame the victim of the crime, rather than the perpetrator, is a troubling trend in many instances of domestic violence, sexual harassment, and rape against women. Victims are often ridiculed, judged for stepping forward and calling out their abuser. This practice of blaming the victim wrongfully, is known as ‘victim-blaming’ or in popular culture as ‘victim shaming’.
Victim-blaming comes in many forms and from many sources, some subtler than others. It's not just the trolls on the internet but also the victim’s own family members or relatives. Under this system of victim-blaming, to avoid being abused or raped, women are asked to adjust their own actions. Zerlina Maxwell, a rape survivor who appeared on the Fox News show “Hannity” to discuss this issue, advocates rape prevention education for young boys and men, stating that “we need to teach them about consent and to hold themselves accountable.” This is significant because despite the common perception that rapists are usually violent strangers, women are often raped by men they trust and consider friends (Williams).
One way to overcome victim-blaming is to challenge the common rape myths such as ‘she asked for it’ - the most blunt form of blaming. The lines can also be blurred by saying ‘he didnt mean to’ or calling rape a ‘trivial’ or ‘deviant’. One of the common myths - ‘it wasnt really rape’ is misguided sentiment that has a silencing effect on survivors, many of whom will say they chose not to report because they didn’t think it was serious enough or that they would be believed (How to Avoid Victim Blaming). While all the advice is passed to women about what ‘causes’ or prevents rape, the discussion often lacks to identify the only cause of rape - The rapist.
Stepping aside from the advice, there are a number of things individuals can actually do to avoid interpersonal victim-blaming. We can start by ensuring that the survivor is comfortable sharing with you and is in complete control of the narrative. We also need to understand that part of the brain’s response to trauma is to block out certain memories (How to Avoid Victim Blaming). While bearing in mind that their story can be extremely triggering and that they might need time, we shouldn't shy away from informing them about their options and providing them with resources if available. However, while having a conversation, it is extremely important to be mindful and not ask questions like - ‘What were you wearing’ or ‘How much did you drink’. It is also wrong to assume that each survivor will respond to their trauma in the same way. There is no perfect victim and nor is there a perfect way to overcome the trauma.
Absolutely, we need to continue to empower women to avoid high-risk situations, to get themselves out of them when they're in them and to defend themselves however they best see fit. But when rape/sexual abuse is overwhelmingly an act perpetrated by men upon women, we also sure as hell need to stop thinking of it exclusively in terms of what women have to do to prevent it because its not our their responsibilty to stay safe, its their right!
Works cited:
“How to Avoid Victim Blaming.” Harvard Law School HALT, orgs.law.harvard.edu/halt/how-to-avoid-victim-blaming/.
Williams, Mary Elizabeth. “Can Men Be Taught Not to Rape?” Salon, Salon.com, 9 Mar. 2013, www.salon.com/2013/03/08/can_men_be_taught_not_to_rape/.